Hello friend,
Sorry to call you 'friend' after telling you that we are not. So let this be the last time I call you that. I wanted to talk to you for the last time which I hoped that day would never come yet it came sooner than I anticipated or dare I say we? I know that I said that the only way to terminate our friendship from my side is if this friendship is starving for more, yet I never anticipated being that hurt by you. You predicted us growing apart. I doubted that would happen so soon, yet you were drifting farther and farther from me demanding me either to keep up or turn a blind eye and act the same. You asked me to keep laughing while I was hurt inside. You demanded me to talk while my throat was like a desert. I felt the distance long ago, yet I wanted to stay near you. I ignored all the signs and the flags. I wanted The Friend that I once knew. The one that felt my hurt and that drew my smile. Did telling you my feelings weighted you that much? If that was so, you could have told me, you could have left. I only thought that we can be open and I promised both of us not to demand more. Believe me, I didn't. What I wanted from you is what you offered from the beginning. I do understand that you are busy, having too much on your shoulders and very hurt. I only wanted to listen to lessen. I wanted to be there for you in ways that you failed to do for me. You didn't give me the chance so I couldn't.
Did you know I was down when you blamed me for being distant? I was hurt when you asked me to talk and laugh. I had too many problems and you went and mocked couple of them. I told you I don't like this and that. You listened once and it was only that once. When I start to act fine and not bothered I found you ahead of the game.
We were continents apart my dearest friend at that time and my letting go was the last thing our ship needed to sink. I was so foolish to hold to whatever could float when you casually run me over with your speed boat.
I thought hard and a lot before letting you go.
What would I do if I turned around and found that what I did was the biggest mistake? That I'd turn around and you wouldn't be there. What would I do if I drowned because I let go of your hand? I did the right thing. No, it was wrong. Why did I hold on to you for so long if I already knew that I'll eventually let you go? I thought that my mind would be on board and my heart would be protesting. Never would I have ever thought that my mind would be in denial and my heart would be torn into pieces. Feeling empty inside wasn't a new feeling to me but missing you is.
I said that my feeling for you was gone, I don't know if that's true. It hurt more and more each time we were together, I know that yet I'd never wanted for you to get hurt. I simply know that if I didn't do the right thing this time, my tears wouldn't ever dry.
It hurt every single time yet letting you go hurt me the most.
I don't blame you, I blame me. I hold onto something I should have let go of ages ago.
What we had together was just a close friendship.
I don't need that kind of love dear, it's toxic.
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