(Yes I am really asking that!)
-It's "me"!
=Yes, who is that "me"?
-I am the different, weird, good, kind, with multiple personalities, sometimes stupid and selfish person.
=Okay, what do you mean by weird and different?
-I mean not like everyone else.
=Yes I understand the Literal meaning, my question is how?
-How what?
=How are you weird? In what ways are you different?
-My way of thinking isn't like the norm. I have a different way of thinking and a weird style. I feel like the type that doesn't fit in a box.
=Doesn't that make you a narcissist and arrogant?
-What does that have to do with narcissism and arrogance?
=You see yourself better than other people.
-Well I can't deny that I have these two in me as much as I have their opposites some other times. Yet I am simply saying that I am not like the most. like purely for example, in the peak time of girls searching for settlements and love as a priority, I am pushing that to the bottom of my priority list. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that, I am just saying that young people at this age specially girls are afraid of getting older and not having a partner. You know where I'm going with this, right?
=Well one day you'll think about the same thing and if you pushed that day any further, you will regret it once you realize your mistake.
-Okay, okay, let's skip this topic. I have nothing specific in my mind to make my point clear to you.
=Well one day you will meet people who will make you feel less than your "normal" that you are talking about. You are not the only smart person on the planet. You didn't rediscover the atom or invent the Sun.
-.............
-I didn't say that I see myself as the smartest person or even that smart. I'm just different and I really love meeting smart people. I look up to them. I love learning from them and I wonder if one day I can be in their level of smartness ever. I admit that I can be a narcissist and arrogant sometimes but in my opinion, I have the healthy type of them, in a way or another. I mean I look up to people, respect their lever of smartness yet I try to search for the down falls, not to bring them down, just simply not to sanctify them as I tend to do with some. It doesn't make a lot of difference in dealing with them. It's my problem between me and myself, as I tend to think that because they are so smart, they can hardly make any mistakes and their opinions are heavenly laws then I wake up to realize that they are human beings too, you know what I mean? I don't downgrade someone and try to find faults in their goods simply to prove myself smarter.
You know, I tend to look up to so many guys, like I simply fall in Love with their mind and want to be with them, not in a romantic way but like being one of them. I think our way of looking at details as men and women is very different. Women tend to have a microscopic way of looking into details. We could see 40 different detail and they might not be that important but men have a macroscopic view. They could see like 4 or 5 things and they are fatal. I'm not saying that all and all are doing that, but the majority are. the word "different" simply means that I don't feel the feeling of belonging, this is not my place and I do not fit anywhere.
=That because of what you are watching and following.
-Even that, if I were to be placed there, I wouldn't be one of them.
=You would easily be one of them. I'll pray for you. What you have is nearly an illness and you need to be cured from it. One day you will be put in a place that will show you how small and normal you are, then you will be back to your mind.
Aside from all of that. I really wonder in a parallel world, would it be better to be myself but in a different world or another me in the same world.
Unfiltered from my diary....
Comments